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添削お願いします。

添削お願いします。 <What does studying economics bring you?> The current economic situations gave me the idea to study economics. I am so depressed about the Japanese economy that I would like to contribute to the stabilization. What I think is important for the purpose is the global economic interdependence. Japan greatly depends on the rest of the world; they rely on our country. To realize these relations academically, I am going to learn international macroeconomics. Through the study, I am going to understand what the problems are and to find out how the issues are resolved. After graduation, I will work for the national organizations related to finance or economics because they have large influences on the whole economics. In this way, I will contribute to the economic stabilization and this is why I have decided to study economics. (131 words) 自分の書いた時の意図を書くと客観的に見てもらなくなるので、あえて何も書きません。大学入試の自由英作文です。よろしくお願いします。

noname#157721
noname#157721

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  • 英語
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  • 回答No.2
  • sunnyD
  • ベストアンサー率36% (31/86)

What I think is important for the purpose is the global economic interdependence. What I think important for the purpose is ... Japan greatly depends on the rest of the world; they rely on our country. They rely on our countryの意味がハテナです。theyは「the world」ですか? To realize these relations academically, I am going to learn international macroeconomics. Realize よりも study や analyze の方がお薦めです。(次の分で the study と言っていることもあり) Through the study, I am going to understand what the problems are and to find out how the issues are resolved. how the issues can be resolved.ではいかがですか? After graduation, I will work for the national organizations related to finance or economics because they have large influences on the whole economics. In this way, I will contribute to the economic stabilization(ここにコンマ) and this is why I have decided to study economics. I will be able to contribute ではいかがですか? とてもよく書けていると思います。 1つ気になることが、「What brings you」ではなくて、「What does studying economics bring you?」 経済学の勉強があなたに与えるものという質問になっているようなので、その辺のニュアンスが、「経済学をなぜ学ぼうと思ったか」というのと微妙に違う気がします。 結果的に同じ内容のエッセイでも、最初と最後の一文は、this is why というよりも、経済学を学ぶことによって自分はこんな能力を得ることができるんだとアピールができるように工夫した方がいいかもしれません。

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  • 回答No.1

The current economic situations gave me the idea to study economics. The current economic situations make me want to study economics. I am so depressed about the Japanese economy that I would like to contribute to the stabilization. Because of the recession in Japan, I would like to contribute to the stabilization of the world economy. What I think is important for the purpose is the global economy interdependence. I believe that the global economic interdependence is the most important for the recession occurring now. Japan greatly depends on the rest of the world; they rely on our country. As like Japan greatly depends on other countries, so do other countries. To realize these relations academically, I am going to learn international macroeconomics. I, therefore, want to specialize in international macroeconomics so that I can figure out these relationships academically. Through the study, I am going to understand what the problems are and to find out how the issues are resolved. Through those studies in economics, I would like to find the issues in the world economy and how they can be solved. After graduation, I will work for the national organizations related to finance or economics because they have large influences on the whole economics. And after I study the economics in college, I would like to work for the national organizations related to finance or economy because they have large influences for a whole economies. In this way, I will contribute to the economic stabilization and this is why I have dcided to study economics. These are the reasons which make me want to contribute to the stabilization of the world economy, and I would like to study economics for the first step of my view. 勝手にちょこちょこ直してみました。 参考になれば幸いです。 質問がありましたら、お願いします。

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