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添削お願いいたします

高校の宿題なのですがあっているのかわかりません 英語の得意なかた修正お願いいたします なるべく高校生レベルでしていただければ幸いです 僕は夏休みに自転車で二泊三日の旅に行きました。 僕は京都の南に住んでいます。 家から三重県の「長島スパーランド」を目的地として出発しました。 一日目は朝五時に出発しました。まず京都駅を通り滋賀県に着きました。 そして山を越えて三重県に行こうとしましたが山頂で道が土砂崩れにより通行止めとなっていました。 だから自転車を担いで無理やり通って三重県に着き一日目が終わりました。 二日目は朝四時に出発して「長島スパーランド」に着きました。 そして一日プールで遊びました。 その夜名古屋城を見に自転車をこぎました。 そして名古屋城を見てまた逆走をして二日目を終えました。 三日目の朝八時に別の道で帰ろうとしましたが、そこも通行止めで仕方なく さらに別の道を行きました。 家に着いたのは朝の四時でした。 すごくお尻が痛かったです。 もう二度と行きたくないです。 I went on a trip of 3rd by bicycle in two days in a summer vacation. I live in the south of Kyoto. I left "the Nagashima spar land" of Mie as a destination from a house. I departed at 5:00 a.m. on the first day. At first I arrived at Shiga via Kyoto Station. And I was going to go to Mie across the mountain, but a way was closed to traffic by a landslide on the mountaintop. Therefore I carried a bicycle on my shoulder and went by force and arrived at Mie, and the first day was over. I departed at 4:00 a.m. on the second day and reached "the Nagashima spar land". And I played a pool all day long. I pedaled a bicycle to watch Nagoya-jo Castle in the evening. And I made a double again to see Nagoya-jo Castle and finished the second day. I was going to return on another way at 8:00 a.m. of the third day, but there was closed, too, and there was no help for it and went another way. It was 4:00 of the morning that I arrived at the house. I had a pain in buttocks very. I want to never go.

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  • jess8255
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長い自転車旅行だったようですね。でも何か貴重なものを得たはずです。事実の羅列でなく、自分の感じたもの、得たものも挿入すると文にバリエーション、変化が付きますよ。 ほんの一部だけど、参考までに。他の方のご意見もよく検討して下さい。 three day bike trip 3日間の自転車旅行 京都に住む、これを最初に持ってきたほうがいい leave A for B Bに向かってAを出発する  日本人の英作文の特徴として文頭に"I"が常に来るので、よく I letter と呼ばれます。今回の作文では9回もIで始まっていますね。時折り"I"以外に主語を変えることをお勧めします。そのためには現在の日本文の見直しが必要です。常に、私は、あるいは、私が、で始めると 冒頭に書いたように平板な文章になります。 いま少しがんばれ!!

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