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英文日記を添削していただけますか(^^)   

英文日記を書きました。初心者なので、特に文法的な間違いや、表現のおかしい部分などがあれば、直していただけると助かります(^^)  一応、最後に私の表現したい内容を日本語で表記しておきます Sunday, March 13, 2006 It started rainy, then it was cloudy later. What a sad incident it was! Our plan for building our new house collapsed today. As you know, we had found a good piece of land the other day and we had forwarded the plan of our new house. However, we didn’t like the design for the house of the house maker and the cost of the new house went very high. I talked about what to do with our plan with my husband a lot of time, then we decided to cancel it because of these reasons. We have to stand the start again, but we will keep up since it is a big purchase!! なんて悲しい出来事。今日、マイホーム新築の計画を取りやめにしました。私たちはいい土地を探して、新しい家の計画を進めていました。でも住宅メーカーの家のプランが気に入らないし、値段が結局とても高くなったの。主人と長い間話し合って、これらの理由で結局白紙に戻すことにしました。私たちはまたスタートにもどってしまったけど、大きな買い物だし屈せずがんばることにしました。

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  • 回答数4
  • 閲覧数97
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  • ベストアンサー
  • 回答No.3
  • akijake
  • ベストアンサー率43% (431/992)

こんにちは。 懲りずに回答させて頂きます。また私の至らぬ所があれば指摘して下さいね(と回答に書くことではないですね…) incident は何となく大げさすぎる感じがしないでもないです。 でも、それだけ悲しみが…と言う意味で、使えるかもしれません。 What a sad decision we had to make today... 「なんて悲しい決断をしなければならなかったのだろう」 とかこんな感じにも書けそうです? Our plan for building our new house collapsed today collapsed も何か違和感を感じますので、 We dropped our plan for new house. とか言ってはどうでしょうか? 何か感情のこもった事を言う時は、自分(たち)に主観を置く方が私は好きなので…。 または、 No more planning on our new house...または Our plan for new house has just gone... 未練があったりした時の言い方として使えると思います。 we had forwarded the plan of our new house ここは間違いではないのですが、 we had been working on/developing the plan of our new house since then. の方が自然な言い方かと思います。 we didn’t like the design for the house of the house maker は簡単に We didn't like the designer's design for the house としてはいかがでしょうか? the cost of the new house went very high. よいと思います。 We have to stand the start again ここは、より使われる表現として、 we are right back where we started.とか、 we are back to the start again. とかが良いかなぁと思います。 簡単ですが…。 参考になれば嬉しいです。

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質問者からの補足

いつもありがとうございす。akijakeさんをはじめ、いろんな方に添削していただいている日記は、それを参考に自分なりに校正しております。たとえば今回のは What a sad decision we had to make today! We dropped our plan for new house. As you know, we had found a good place the other day and we had been working on the plan of our new house since then. However, we didn't like the designer's design for the house and the estimated cost went too high. I discussed what to do with my husband for a long time, then we decided to take back everything for these reasons. We went back to the start again, but we will keep up since it is a big purchase!! と直しました。

その他の回答 (3)

  • 回答No.4
  • akijake
  • ベストアンサー率43% (431/992)

こんにちは。 少しでも回答がshiroさんの勉強の役に立っていると思うと嬉しいです(^^) 私も感覚で書いてしまっているので、「明らかに変だ」と思ったらご自分の考えを通して下さい。 英作文って決まった答えがないし、人によって色々な表現があると思います。 私も自分のくせを判っているつもりですし。 そこから自分にあっているのを見つけて、モノにしてしまえばよいですよね。 ちなみに、こないだ書き忘れたのですが、最後の「大きな買い物」を、 it will be the biggest purchase in our life! として、「人生最大の買い物になることだし」と大げさに言ってもいいかも知れません。 家を購入する事って、人生最大の買い物と言われてますし。

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質問者からのお礼

ありがとうございました(^^)とっても参考になりました。表現力に乏しい私としては本当に感謝しています。akijakeさんのように英語の表現力をつけていきたいと思います。これからもよければ添削お願いしますm(_ _)m

  • 回答No.2

自信がないからちょっとだけ・・・、 >Our plan for building our new house collapsed today collapse はちょっと大袈裟な感じがするので、 単に、We decided to give up our plan・・・ >we had found a good piece of land・・・・ a good piece of landでは「広大な土地」の意味になるんじゃないでしょうか? a good place でいいかも です。 >the cost of the new house went very high. 「高すぎる」なら、the estimated cost went too high のほうがしっくりくるような気がします。 >I talked ~ a long time. for a long time. と for を入れます。 >We have to stand the start again, 「私たちはまたスタートにもどってしまったけど」ならば、 Well, we went back to the starting line and have to do the whole process again though,・・・・でしょうか? 参考にもならないとは思いますが・・・。

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質問者からのお礼

ありがとうございました(^^)とっても参考になりました。これからもよければ添削お願いしますm(_ _)m

  • 回答No.1
noname#29127
noname#29127

> incident incidentはあまり悪い出来事の意味で使わなかったと思います。 (ちょっと自信ありませんが。。) accidentとかwhat a sad story it isとかでどうでしょうか. > a good piece of land piece ofの使用が適切か不明ですが、 found a land for the house でいいのではないでしょうか. > the design for ... the design by > the house maker makerとはいいませんね。 by the companyとか by the design companyとかではないでしょうか。 >I talked about what to do talkedよりもdiscussedの方が「話しあった」という意味に なります。 --------------- あとは下記のいいまわしとかも使えますね。 went down the drain : 水に流れた took back everything : 白紙にもどした meet halfway : 妥協する (=compromise)

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質問者からのお礼

ありがとうございました(^^)とっても参考になりました。これからもよければ添削お願いしますm(_ _)m

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