半分は理解できたのですが。 以下、お願いします。

質問

以下の文章は、登山が自分にとってどんな意味を持つのか、両親にわかって欲しかった方のものです。
It was not that I expected to die.以下が何を言いたいのか？概要でかまいませんので、お願いいたします。

前半は、「登山は自分や仲間の人生において切り離すことがでいないものである。自分は結婚や親になるなど社会が望むことはしない。人生は一度きり。しかしこの考えが間違っていた事を時が教えてくれた。」というようなことが書かれています。

It was not that I expected to die. Far from it. If I had thought that, I would have quit immediately. I did not want to deceive my parents any way. It seemed acceptable to delude myself, to build up however shaky a rationale for myself that enabled me to participate in something which had claimed the lives of so many friends, but this was because I was in the midst of it. Tunnel vision helped. I thought that, if I were absolutely honest, it would help them understand how important it was to me. In truth, I never managed to explain it to them and succeeded only in loading myself with yet another burden of guilt. It was a selfish pursuit that left the agonizing worry on loved ones while I enjoyed myself.

回答No.1

londoner77 · ベストアンサー

私が死ぬつもりだったことではありませんでした。実際はそれからほど遠い考えでした。もしそう思っていれば、直ちにやめていたでしょう。とにかく、両親をだましたくはありませんでした。私が自分自身をだますことも、また、非常に多くの友達の生命を奪ったものに参加することを許してしまうあやふやな理由づけをすることも、可能に思えました。しかし、これは私がその真っ最中（登山のことでしょう）にいたからでした。狭い視野がそれを後押ししました。もし私が絶対的に正直ならば、それらが私にどれくらい重要だったか理解する助けになったと思います。しかし実際は、私はそれについて説明することはできず、別の罪の意識にさいなまれることになったのでした。私が登山を楽しんでいるあいだ、最愛の人ににつらい心配をさせた利己的な追跡でした。

補足

ありがとうございました。
制限があって前半を書くことができませんでした。
この場をお借りして前半部分を書かせていただきたいと思います。
疑問に思うのは、両親をだましたくなかったと言っていますが、両親にはどんな説明をしたのでしょうか？
なんだか、わかるような？もやもやしています。

My parents could not appreciate what climbing meant to me. I had tied to explain it, and had been careful to emphasise the seriousness of it all. If something were to happen tome. I wanted them to understand that I had accepted this possibility. I could not bear the thought of leaving them hurt and confused, unable to comprehend the death of their youngest son. Above all I disliked the idea that they might think it a waste of a life and never understand the truth—that for me it was the most life enhancing thing I had ever experienced, that the very nature of the pursuit made me and all my climbing friends the characters we were.
The mountains were inextricably woven into the fabric of our lives.
In much the same way I had decided in my mid-tees that I did not want to do those things that society expected of me. I did not want to compromise anything and rejected the idea of marriage and parenthood for fear that these would rob me of the selfish desire to do what I wanted with my life: a life lived once, with no reincarnation, no afterlife, heaven or hell, finished at death. Grab the chances that come your way and run with theｍ. That had become my credo, and there was no going back.
It never occurred to me that these early certainties would themselves become eroded by time: that self doubts and too many questions would make a mockery of what I once was and had set out to be; that time would change me, would betray everything I once believed in. If I succeeded in avoiding regret, I failed to realize that I would look back and sneer at what I once had been.